It has been so long before I actually wrote anything on xanga or blogger or tumblr. Wow.

I guess I just want a place where no one will ever see this or just some stalker that finds this blog. Yay congrats. 

Creepy asshole.

Anyway I just saw this quote "When you know why you like someone, it's a crush. When you have no reason or explanation, it's love." and I was thinking how much bullshit there is inside.

Not that I can define love yet, but well. I can have a crush on someone and not know why. I mean, i don't know why I like people who has no apparent value to society, so how do you explain that? Just kidding. 

The thing is, I fell in love once and I more or less know the reason. 

The world is full of coming and going; to some other place that needs them. I seem like the only one stuck there, breaking that rhythemic pattern. I stand there, unaware of what is expected of me, unaware of the minds of other travellers.

You know, I don't feel like listening to bubblegum pop today. I feel that I am detached to this world, forming an invicible membrane around me. This concept is so foreign to myself even. If I were to describe this feeling, it would have been like my soul being snatched away, void of responding appropriately.

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The world is such a strange place. I think anyone would have agreed - that we have a strange world. The thing is, if you just sit back and observe everything at a distance, everything looks so silly.

The rituals of being accepted into society, I mean. Am I numb? Maybe I am. Who are we, but bare animals in clothes oppressing our natural instincts, even creating trends out of them, to achieve things that we may be happier without?

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It is highly suffocating, if you know what I mean. To be the only person feeling great emotions but yet unable to convey them correctly. I decided, I really can't live with not expressing myself. I must be known somehow, and it's a really lucky thing I have Zoe and Lynn to talk to. They may not understand, but they listen and accept my opinions.

It is great to have a debate someday over philosophical stuff, but today, I just want to lie down on a comfortable water bed with warm salty air blowing over me. And think of nothing but what I'm going to eat for dinner - prawns or fish?

Do you believe that the world is full of conspiracies? Evil-doings, selfishness, cruelty. Everybody for itself. Wars, environmental problems, world hunger, what else? Terrorism, and even everyday stuff. How about those mornings when you wake up and feel only a blank in your mind, and that life isn't worth living?

Or do you believe in love? In miracles happening at this very minute, this very moment?

I'm often stuck between those two. Because you know, some days, you just feel so glum. Like now.

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My mum just got angry at Lynn because she didn't say that the TV was spoiled earlier, and my mum can't watch the World Cup now. Is it me, or does my mum sound a little demanding?

I don't like this at all.